How to Deal With Disappointment

With Deepa Gupta
The Money Coach

One thing is true about disappointment - it is experienced by everyone.  We’ve all worked on something, only for it to not turn out as planned. Or more simply, we’ve all just wanted something and not got it.  But what is disappointment? Is it a feeling, or a perception that things haven’t gone the way they should have? Or a confirmation of failure? 

Deepa Gupta is the WIP Money Coach, and often works with her clients on issues that relate to disappointment, such as the disappointment felt due to expectations of wealth, status and success should look like.  “In my opinion, disappointment is an uncomfortable emotion which is an outcome of any unfulfilled desire or expectations,” says Deepa.  Disappointment is complex, as it ties in with feelings of embarrassment, the desire to avoid the fear of failure and negative self-perception.  

However disappointment may not be experienced by everyone equally.  Over-achievers and perfectionists might feel disappointment more frequently than others, as their high standards may be harder to meet.  As a perfectionist, you might even move the goalposts on yourself, and experience disappointment even when the outcome was favourable. While optimists may find it easier to say ‘better luck next time.’ Disappointment is very subjective - an outcome that might disappointment one person, might not even register as a miss for another.

The core of disappointment is hard to pin down, but we can all agree that no one enjoys feeling it.  So is it possible to avoid disappoint by not wanting anything and going with the flow?  Well, you may not be disappointed, but you will definitely have a feeling of inertia that is not any more pleasant than disappointment.  We are hard-wired to strive for more. Let’s learn how to deal with disappointment rather than dwell on it.  ​

Where To Start With Overcoming Disappointment

When we really want an outcome to happen and it doesn’t, it can be difficult to climb out of the moment and gain perspective.  Try asking yourself these questions to see if your disappointment is a reaction to the moment, or is valid: 
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• What was your goal - was it realistic?  
• Did you try your best, and were you deserving of a positive outcome?  
• What were the obstacles?  Were they insurmountable?  Could you’ve overcome these if you had attacked them in a different way?  
• Were your expectations too high?  

So how can you move past disappointment and on to better things? 

Calm down and accept the reality

Things didn’t go as planned.  You didn’t meet your goal or get what you wanted.  It’s OK and natural to be disappointed, so sit with that for a bit - but not too long.   Allow yourself one chance to revisit and review the situation with the questions above, and accept where you are.  

Learn

“There are no mistakes in life, only lessons”.  A human response to any negative situation is to try and lay blame elsewhere, which only serves to turn an uncomfortable feeling into something more unpleasant - anger.  Maybe you made a mistake, maybe you didn’t, but learning from what went wrong is more efficient than trying to find another place to lay the blame.  

Be opportunistic

How can you make the most of your current situation?  “The deeper the disappointment, the higher chances are there to bounce back,” says Deepa.  “Make a commitment to yourself to overcome this unfavourable situation.”

recognise Blessings in Disguise

You may think that your plans and goals are set in stone, and these fixations may mean that we aren’t as open to opportunities that don’t seem to be part of the plan.  Deepa suggests that mistakes, failures and the resulting disappointment can be a way of checking in and embracing a wider perspective. “Sometimes we get so fixated on our planning,” says Deepa.  “Maybe the universe hits us hard in this way so that we are forced to check other possible opportunities, and in the future we might achieve something even greater than we could’ve planned.”  

Start again

Once you’ve evaluated whether your goal was achievable and realistic, or if you’ve changed your mind completely it’s time to move on and forward.  The best cure for disappointment is achieving your goal, but you won’t feel better if you set the bar lower. aIm as high as you did the first time around, and if again you don’t meet your goal hopefully you have stronger tools to be resilient and bounce back.  Disappointment is a way of life, so maybe if we can accept this reality we can get more comfortable with this uncomfortable feeling and strive for what we truly want.  

What about you?  Do you ruminate with disappointment or bounce back quickly? 
Share your tips for overcoming disappointment in the comments!

Connect with The Money Coach

deepa gupta

Deepa is a certified Money Coach, Relationship and Life Coach, passionate cook and a spiritual-seeker.   
As well as helping clients address their issues and behaviours around money, she empowers people with the tools to help them to evolve to be their best self - whether finding their life's passion or learning to recognise and nurture trustworthy relationships.