WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LIVE AN AUTHENTIC LIFE? FOUR STEPS TO HELP YOU START

I must admit, I was pretty late to the Brene Brown fan club, the author of 'Daring Greatly'.  But after I watched her Ted Talk on vulnerability it got me thinking about the difference between vulnerability and the startup culture I had worked in, which is still referenced and is admired:

“Move fast and break things” 
​“It is better to get forgiveness rather than permission”

At first glance these quotes seem to be authentic and unapologetic, but acting like this keeps up the pretence that what we do doesn’t have an impact on other people.  It also highlights how we actually value ourselves - in life, work and business - when we don’t try and honour the connection we should have with the world around us.  

Being a wholehearted person sounds pretty abstract, but with Brown's research background it’s actually very tangible.  It is not description of a happy or content person, but actually someone who believes in their own worthiness which allows them the freedom for creativity and joy that is often missing in people’s lives.  

​Below are some key ways she suggests how wholehearted people live their lives.

Have the courage to be imperfect

Perfectionism can be sometimes worn as a badge of honour and the only method of success, when in truth it is the least risky way of living.  Brown suggests that perfectionism can reflect your fear and avoidance tactics.

​Imagine all the things you do perfectly. Now imagine all the things that you don’t try because you think that if it’s not perfect, then you’ve failed or embarrassed yourself.  Avoiding anything else but perfect limits your personal growth.

​Be kind to yourself, and then be kind to others

You’ve heard the flight safety advice ‘put your lifejacket on before attempting to help others’?  The same goes for compassion. Wholehearted people cut themselves slack when necessary and therefore can find it within themselves to be kind to other people.  

​Remember last week when you were having a bad day, and were a bit rude to cashier at the bank. Well, today is not her best day, and if you forgave yourself last week you can forgive her now.  So give her a smile, and share the compassion you have for yourself with everyone else.

Be your authentic self

The term ‘authentic’ has gotten slightly diluted over the last few years, but put simply by Brown an authentic person is willing to to let go of who they think they should be.  

​Think about how you might have aimed for straight A’s in school or getting that big promotion. Ticking off these boxes seems to be the prescribed path to perfection, but whose perfection were you striving for?  Once we open ourselves up to being truly our unique selves, we can starting showing up for what we want rather than coasting by on what we think we ought to have.

All of these elements incorporate one core message: vulnerability.  Wholehearted people are vulnerable, and it isn’t the easy option. It feels much rawer to be open than it does to be closed.  There is also no one-size fits all to following any of these steps, which makes it difficult not to fall into the old patterns of fear and avoidance.  

A small first step is to drop your guard a little:  

Say ‘yes’ to something that you would normally turn down.  
Have an open conversation with a friend or love one.  
Say ‘no’ to something you hate doing, but would typically do to accomodate how people see you.  

Brene Brown teaches us that vulnerability is not a weakness.  

​It is the braver, more difficult choice but it can lead to a wholehearted life that allows you to define your own success.

What else do you think it takes to live authentically?  Share your thoughts in the comments!